Monday, September 19, 2011

Today is better

After such a horrific week, I think the fire is smoldering out and I couldn't be happier about that! 

Over the weekend fights broke out between Ash and Daddy again, but this time it was not at all pretty and not at all good.  Ash finally just broke to pieces, cried for hours (which she hasn't done since the break-up) and just let everything out...anger, hurt, guilt, and pain.  I watched over her all night because she was saying how she just wanted to not be here anymore, and the far away look in her eyes told me to be cautious with this.  I kept telling her yes life sucks right now, but I promise it will get better.  You are at the bottom, and the only place left to go is up.

Next day she stayed in her room for most of the day, and I told her she needs to apologize to her father for saying such hurtful things.  I have never seen him so broken hearted and it tore me apart!  I told her that he is not Cliff and would NEVER be Cliff.  She lashed out at her daddy because she couldn't do it to the one it was meant for.  I don't know if hubby understands that it wasn't at him, but when she finally did come out and apologized, they were tight as ever and that just made me so damn happy!

On top of all this, I got sick.  My body doesn't take this kind of stress very well.  I bottle stuff up, but my body has a way of getting it out one way or the other.  I'm finally getting over the hump and then all will be whole once again :)

Life sometimes sucks, but with friends and family who love you, it doesn't suck for long.
thank you guys for being there!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


First I want to thank your kind words and support.  It's nice to know you are there and you are very much appreciated!

So, as expected hubby, Ash and I are 100% fine.  I was texting him all day, but he didn't get them till later and was sorry he didn't respond.  He said the messages kept getting worse as time went on LOL  I did text him with a last one saying "since I haven't heard back from him, I guess he's still mad so I'll go into work early so he can be alone when he gets home"  It's what I do...I think that's my way of testing the waters.  Immature?  Yes.  Oh well. 

Ash is still doing great without the boyfriend.  I am so happy we can move on from this.  I'm also happy that he lives two hours away so there is no way of bumping into each other.  As far as I know, there has been no contact from him to her or anyone who knows her. 
~I know the guys were just waiting for the day she is single!  Hope she doesn't rush into another boyfriend right away though.  I don't think she will, but who knows. 

Here's to a great rest of the week!! 

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Weekend From Hell!

I am so glad it's Monday and the weekend is OVER!

Friday was our town big football game.  Two high school rivals battling it out in a fun town game.  Who's going to get the bragging rights and trophy?  Even a local news station was at Ashley's school filming the rally (7am).  Yep, this sold-out game (sold out in 2 1/2 hrs) was the talk of the town and we had tickets and couldn't wait!

Got to the game, JV lost and it was so damn hot outside!  Hubby got to the game just in time to see the Varsity game start.  Ashley is there with her girlfriends and her boyfriend Cliff came with his friend (who goes to our school).  All is going great!  We are kicking the other schools butt.  Half time was fun to watch.  Coming down now to the end of the fourth quarter and I get a text..."Mom I need you"  Shit!  What happened?  I text back to come to where I am..."No!  meet me by the entrance"  I went, Ash is in tears, her girls around her.  I get the story of what happened...Cliff went psycho and looked like he was going to hit her friend!  He and Ash were yelling at each other saying "fuck you" to one another...Ash told him to get away from her and he didn't...Ash said it again and nothing...this time a long time friend got in Cliffs face and said, "I believe she asked you to leave" so Cliff walked away.  When he came back to apologize, but wanted to take Ash by herself, her friend got in his face and told him no way was she leaving Ash alone with him!  That's when he got so angry that his fists clenched and he got in her face...three guys asked if everything was alright or were they going to have to kick his ass?  A girl went to a teacher and told her she's scared that Cliff was going to hit someone. 
~As the girls are telling me this story, Cliff tries to come over and I looked at him, pointed my arm and finger straight out and said "get the fuck away NOW!"  He did, but then tried calling Ashley.  he's sorry, please talk to him...I text him back and told him to stay away, stop calling her, and don't text her!  Hubby came down to see what was going on...we filled him in. 
~Game is over, we won.  Missed the trophy celebration and the final touchdowns made by the other team.  Would have been great to see, but shit happens.
~Leaving the game, girls in my arms, hubby behind...we pass Cliff and his friend going towards entrance.  I ignored him, hubby stopped him.  We kept walking...don't want the girls involved anymore in this crap. 
~Hubby told him to not call, text, face book, have any contact with Ash.  Cliff started crying and apologizing over and over again saying he doesn't want to be like his father (who hit his mom the whole time they were married) and he's never seen that side of himself before and doesn't want Ash scared of him, and wasn't towards Ash....too bad, don't contact her.
~That night I get texts from Cliff and I text back so that way I can be sure he stays away from Ash.  He wants to talk face to face with all of us...I said no, but I can meet him.  We met the next day and talked for two hours.  I felt for him, but let him know it's over.  I can not let my daughter be in that kind of abuse.  I told him all about the verbal abuse I know about and that all of her friends tell me things and hate him because of the way he treats her.  He needs to get help and learn how to release his anger in a safe and healthy way.  He begged and pleaded and said how much he loves her...I don't doubt that, it's just when he snaps he isn't aware of what he's capable of doing.  Next time it could be direct contact!  Now people are asking if he's ever hit Ash before!!!
~This has made Ash finally see how toxic and unhealthy this relationship is.  She is done and for the first time I can see that her heart is completely over him.  This was her wake-up call.  I'm glad it's over and glad she was able to get out before something serious happened!

~Last night after work, Ash and hubby got into a huge blow-out!  She's been talking sassy to him all day he said, and after dinner he said something that set her off and told him to stop nagging her all the time!  He raised his voice, told her he's the parent and she will not talk to him like that.  She cried, left the table yelling she hates him and wishes he's just go away.  I couldn't have his back on this one 100% and he got pissed about that.  I told him that she is going through so much right now that I understand her lashing out.  No, it's not okay, but I understand it.  He did not like that at all.  Needless to say, things are still chilly between him and I at this time (yes, he did go to work, but he hasnt' text back or anything).  I know this will blow over, but holy hell am I tired!!!

So, that was MY was YOURS ;) 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Life is Good

Things have a way of working out when you just give it up. 

~Justin came to town Friday-Saturday and we had a very nice visit.  I took Justin out to lunch, then we all went to the mall and dinner as a family, came home and played some games together.  I bought Justin a new pair of shoes, which he finally let me buy him something, which felt great to be able to do.  Yep, it was a wonderful visit and he's ready to move back.  He did not ask to move back home and it took all I had to not bring that option up.  We shall see what happens :)

~That same day that my dad was going to talk to Justin, and before I knew how it went, I found Ashley's facebook account open and saw she had a new message in her inbox.  Something in me felt the need to open it up and I'm glad (kinda) that I did.  There was a conversation between her and her boyfriend that did not sit right with me.  It sounded like he was playing head games with her and then asked if they were going to "do it" this weekend!  WTF?  She is so innocent, she asked what he meant LOL
Bottom line, the plan was to go to a friends house and have sex!  I could tell she wasn't over the moon about this idea, which I was glad, but worried because of how he sounded.  I called hubby right away and told him what I read and we decided to just be honest with her and tell her I read it.  Having something going on with both my kids at the same time was stressful to me, so when dad called within the hour of me finding out about Ashley, it was the relief I needed and was able to just focus on Ashley's situation. 

I had to wait to get home from work (9:30pm) before I could talk to Ash.  I started out saying I wanted to take her to get on the pill, then I told her what I found.  I told her it sounded like he was playing head games with her and that pisses me off.  I told her if she isn't ready, then she shouldn't do it, no matter what.  I also told her I do not like the way he talks to her and it will never change and she can do better.  I let her know her father knows all about it too.  She was embarrassed, but listened.  I told her I wish she would wait 'till she's older, but if she is going to have sex, then promise to wait one month after starting the pill....don't count on a condom...there are tons of people on this earth because of a condom mishap.  I let her know I was scared of her getting pregnant.  She promised.  I also told her she can forget about this weekend...being alone with him will not be happening LOL  So today, I will be taking her to Planned Parenthood and then we will talk about the emotions that come with having sex with someone and how it could change her relationship for the better or for the worse...

Lil' Wayne!  Went to the concert Saturday and it was not at all what I expected!  I knew it wouldn't be a gangster type crowd, since he's mid-stream now and the singers that tour with him are pretty mellow too, but I did not think it would be this laid back!  We got our seats upgraded which was awesome!  The crowd was mostly white and a lot of skater boys were there.  I was surprised to say the least!  There were moms with their daughters, groups of teenagers who look like they went to Ashley's school,  Hispanics and black, but no punks.  There were plenty of weed being smoked and going straight into my face, but I didn't smelled good ;)
It was great how Lil' Wayne knows he wouldn't be where he is without his fans, and he said that many times throughout the concert.  He also said some stuff that was nasty but funny, which I expected that kind of talk from him.  I'm glad I went and Ash had a blast too.  I would go again for sure :)

Last but not least....I lost another two pounds!!!  I now weigh 138 so I have 8 more to go! 

So, this week turned out to be a great week after all!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


I am happy happy happy!!!!!

Dad just called and he said he talked to Justin last night.  He told Justin that he's noticed Justin doesn't seem very happy and is always in his room, but when he comes home he's with his friends and happy.  Maybe he needs to move back where his friends are.  Justins response was pure relief!  Dad said right away Justin was quick to say ok and agreed!  I think that Justin didn't want to hurt his Papa's feeling by wanting to move out, and my dad didn't want to hurt Justin's or my feelings by wanting the same thing.  It's a win-win for everyone!!!!

The best thing I did was write that letter to my dad :)

The Reason....

Well, my dad wrote back and then I talked to him on the phone for over an hour.  I was correct in knowing there was a problem, but incorrect thinking it was me.  My dad said he has been hesitant to talk to me about this issue because he didn't want to hurt me.  The issue at hand?  Justin.

So I guess dad has been stressed, worried, and just not enjoying having Justin living with him anymore.  I knew this would happen, which is why I tried hard not to let it happen!  Did either of them listen to me?  Nope!  Now look at the awkward predicament we are all in.

Dad says that Justin only works part-time, and the rest of the time he's shut in his room playing video games to all hours of the night, which keeps my dad up.  The house is extremely small, so dad hears everything!  Justin will even start laundry late in the night, which of course is not quiet and the machine is right next to dads room!  Justin also does not help around the house like the deal was.  He may do about 15 minutes of labor, then go inside and play games.  No social life outside the house, and dad is just tired of it.

I do understand, 100%.  Justin has been living there free of rent or anything else, yet is taking advantage of the situation.  I do however think my dad should have told Justin months ago about being able to hear him and keeping him up at night.  That I know Justin would have been more respectful and keep it down.  Justin also sleeps in till noon, unless he has to get up earlier for work. 

So, bottom line is my dad is giving Justin a two month notice.  What Justin does with this I don't know.  It is plenty of time to find a job here and figure out where to go.  If he moves back in with us, we will have him pay $200 a month rent just to teach him some kind of life's responsibility.  He is 22 yrs old for goodness sake!  I don't expect the moon from him, but come on, having a full time job should not be a problem, or go to school to learn something!  Damn video games!  I think he has a serious problem and I don't know how to help him with it.  When that is all a person does, there is a problem.  The gaming gets in the way of finding a girl, hanging out with friends, working a full day, or just plain improving your life. 

It hurts to see this happening...and I don't know what to do about it :(

Monday, August 29, 2011


I'm feeling one of those feelings again that I just don't like feeling!  I feel like something is wrong between my dad and I but not sure.  I just sent him an email so we shall see.  I do get like this and turns out to be nothing, so fingers crossed it is nothing.  We just haven't talked for over a month nor has he come for a visit in a long time.  I called him today, but there was something missing that I can't put my finger on. 

Drama at school is over...for now LOL  It was all because of one of Ashley's old friends who got transferred to her school and was not happy about keep in mind the transfer was a move up, not down so go figure.  Now this friend is complaining that it's boring at this school because there are no fights at lunch.  Really?  How lovely is that train of thought?  Anyway, all is better between them and I sure hope the rest of the year stays that way.

Today I'm feeling weird...maybe that time is around the corner?  I don't know but it's there and I don't like it!  Maybe it's lack of sleep and poor/little eating today?  What every the reason, it needs to stop ;)

Okay, I'm off to fix dinner and then go to work. 
Have a fabulous day/week everyone!!