Monday, July 5, 2010

Getting better...

and hoping it stays that way :)

After texting/calling my son all weekend, he finally text back yesterday and came over to watch fireworks with us last night.  Things have smoothed over, and I couldn't be happier.  I finally talked to my hubby about everything that has been going on in my head, and of course the first question was, "why didn't you come talk to me about this before?"  My answer was that he has so much stuff going on in his own life/brain right now, that I didn't want to put more on him.  Of course he told me that no matter what is going on with him, he will always have room for my stuff too :)  I talked to him about all the worries I'm feeling and about what Justin did.  He listened, held me, and gave me his opinions.  One of those opinions was hard to hear, even though I know he was right.  He said that yes Justin was 100% wrong, but I also was wrong for getting so involved in his and Gerianna's personal business.  I need to stop mothering him so much and let him learn on his own.  If I continue being in the middle, he may resent me and then never come talk to me or be around, or worse yet, if by chance they brake up he could blame me for it in some way.  It hurt to hear, but I know he is right.  This is just another chapter in my life that I am figuring out as I go, and I am so thankful that I have someone who can show me the other side of things and help guide me along with me.  So all seems to be much better in that department :)

I went and saw my dad this weekend and had a very nice time.  I am happy to say that I got more of the story and feel much better about his health now.  When I talked to him on the phone and he told me about losing so much weight and the doctor setting him up an appointment for a full body scan, those two combinations of course made it sound horrible!  Reality is, the weight loss has happened over a years time and after talking about how he eats, I realize that the lack of food is most likely the reason for the weight loss.  I'm still glad he's getting the scan, for precaution if for nothing else.  I told him I was worried sick and he better start eating right....for me if nothing else. 

So, we're starting off on a good note so far this week, and I hope it continues!


Brit-Man said...

That's good to hear about your Father :-).

The comments about potentially mothering too much, are indeed logical and whilst it may be seen by some people, (your husband clearly included), as a wrong course of action, you are very, very human, with a tremendous Heart and that can never be a wrong hting in my opinion.

It's understandable however that as a result of this, you may occasionally let it rule your head. Again a human thing in it's own way, that what makes up a large part of you, actually makes you want to do the right thing a lot, to the point where sometimes the boundaries between well meaning and well intentioned outcomes, versus having a differing effect, may be a bit blurred.

It would also be understandable, therefore that when you are the person looking from the inside out, you may not always see what the the person on the outside looking in will see.

That's not a failing of yours, it's just natural human behaviour, so I feel you mustn't blame yourself or feel guilty for your actions. I'm sure you felt you were doing the right thing. Your Heart was good and strong in the situation and your intentions pure and true and geniune.

One thing here is to never let this relaisation, affect the person you are too much.

Occasionally it might make you stop and think before a moment, to see if your Heart may be being too much of a controlling factor or not, but as long as it doesn't cause you to be less human, by avoiding situations where you may be doing a lot of positive good, that's one of the main things here, that you don't become afraid to care and back away for fear of potentially creating a counter-outcome.

You just need to remind yourself that what your husband said, was definitely not to cause guilt, shame or embarrassment, but to show kindness and love through teaching.

You are and always will be someone that is quite beautiful and emotionally rich, so don't let anything spoil that Colette, because whilst your family and those around you may not need it quite as much as before, they will always want and no doubt need it one way or another, sometimes.

In short, don't EVER stop being the person you are. If you did, the sun would be a little dimmer for a long time.

Take care, best wishes, kepe looking after that wonderful warm Heart and keep on smiling Carealot.

:-) :-).


Colette said...

Thank you, Matt. I don't think I can ever stop being me and caring about the ones I love so much. In fact, I talked to Gerianna (my son's girlfriend) and told her to tell me if I ever step to far in their business, because I would never intentially want to do that. She agreed, so I feel better now. I am just a person who cares so deeply about the ones I love, that I try so hard to help them. It is not good when It controls my head though. My hubby made sense, so I think I will take what he said and add to how I do things...that should be a nice balance :)

Thank you for your great words and always knowing what to say. Have a wonderful day :)

Hayley said...

I'm so glad things are perking up for you - I love that your husband is so supportive, open and such a great communicator. Though I do sympathize with you and I think you're a great mom, I never thought about it from his perspective and what he says is probably true.

Have you heard anything new about your dad? I hope everything is ok! At least the weight loss wasn't a sudden thing.

P.S. - I thought I'd lost your blog! With my MAC I have you bookmarked as a "Top Site" so that you're easily found and when you changed your layout I was looking for the blue background but couldn't see you. I was just about to email you asking for the link. PHEW! :)