Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Reason....

Well, my dad wrote back and then I talked to him on the phone for over an hour.  I was correct in knowing there was a problem, but incorrect thinking it was me.  My dad said he has been hesitant to talk to me about this issue because he didn't want to hurt me.  The issue at hand?  Justin.

So I guess dad has been stressed, worried, and just not enjoying having Justin living with him anymore.  I knew this would happen, which is why I tried hard not to let it happen!  Did either of them listen to me?  Nope!  Now look at the awkward predicament we are all in.

Dad says that Justin only works part-time, and the rest of the time he's shut in his room playing video games to all hours of the night, which keeps my dad up.  The house is extremely small, so dad hears everything!  Justin will even start laundry late in the night, which of course is not quiet and the machine is right next to dads room!  Justin also does not help around the house like the deal was.  He may do about 15 minutes of labor, then go inside and play games.  No social life outside the house, and dad is just tired of it.

I do understand, 100%.  Justin has been living there free of rent or anything else, yet is taking advantage of the situation.  I do however think my dad should have told Justin months ago about being able to hear him and keeping him up at night.  That I know Justin would have been more respectful and keep it down.  Justin also sleeps in till noon, unless he has to get up earlier for work. 

So, bottom line is my dad is giving Justin a two month notice.  What Justin does with this I don't know.  It is plenty of time to find a job here and figure out where to go.  If he moves back in with us, we will have him pay $200 a month rent just to teach him some kind of life's responsibility.  He is 22 yrs old for goodness sake!  I don't expect the moon from him, but come on, having a full time job should not be a problem, or go to school to learn something!  Damn video games!  I think he has a serious problem and I don't know how to help him with it.  When that is all a person does, there is a problem.  The gaming gets in the way of finding a girl, hanging out with friends, working a full day, or just plain improving your life. 

It hurts to see this happening...and I don't know what to do about it :(


Maggie said...

I wish I could help you with this. I'm afraid to say, James does the exact same thing. He lives with his sister and works part time. Sleeps until 5 when he has to go into work. Doesn't have a girlfriend or rarely hangs out with his friends. His friends play the same game, so they communicate through the game. He is however paying 400 in rent and other household things. It still didn't do anything to how many hrs he spends sleeping and playing his online game. He did sign up for 1 online class. (big deal)LOL

Its a tough call Colette, but I would NEVER let James move back with us. I figure if he doesn't change living with his sister who is charging him quite a bit for a room, it would be worse if he moved back with us. I feel the only way he'll change is if we as his parents stop making it so easy for him. He's going to be 21 oct 1st. Its time for him to figure out his own life. scary!

Justin like James knows if things don't work out, we are there to pick up the pieces. They know having to listen to us complain is part of the routine. They take it, and then continue to do what they want. If you decide to let him move back in, make him pay more. Also have one of the conditions be a full time job or find another place to live. I believe this is what is hurting James. If he had a full time job, things would change, cause he would be too tired to do anything else.

Colette said...

Wow, it amazes me how we have that in common. I believe you are right and maybe I shouldn't let living here be an option...unless it's the only option and he comes to us about it. I know he has friends he could crash at, but they won't but up with him not paying anything i'm sure. This is a tough one and it does help to know I'm not alone.

We love them so much and only want what's best for them. Tough love is named that for a reason ;)

I say we should both have a drink LOL

Thanks so much M for always being there. HUGS!

leslie said...

I have a client who is a therapist. A while back she told me that there is a serious problem with video game addiction with late teen/early 20s guys (mostly guys) where their virtual life is more satisfying that their real lives. People go to counseling for this. Sadly you are not alone in having a kid who is drawn to this. Hugs to anyone dealing with ANY kind of addiction in themselves or someone they love.